The hospital located in Eo-sung, Kyeongbuk is crowed with the seniors every morning. When there is a stool test, it is common to see a large black plastic bag on the reception desk with stool. Deacon, Seon-Hwa Jang is called as “pretty.” We met her who not only takes care of patients but also comforts and pray for their heart.
Q. What is your job at the hospital?
A. I clean patent’s rooms and do an errand to help the seniors so that they do not feel uncomfortable. I do everything that they need such as cleaning room and doing laundry. Most of patients are seniors. I start to talk with them because I want to deliver Jesus to them. I think the Lord gives me the heart to love soul. Because I am interested in them, I can find what they need, so I can help them within my capability. Then, they open their heart to me. Someone who did not believe in Jesus even said to me “Let’s go to a church located in the third floor, watch a video clip related with Jesus, and worship together.” Thankfully, someone told me that “I go to worship because of you, pretty.”
Q. Wow, I think that it is impossible for you to serve them without the heart of the Lord. How did you start this job?
A. I came to here because of a woman (Kwonsa-im) whom I have known from the Bible study. My spouse and I decided one thing after we came to work here. We decided that “We should deliver things that the Lord has worked to me.”
Even though she attends a church, deacon, Jang has thought that “The reason that Missionary and pastor can live a devoted life is because they are called as missionary and pastor.” So, she thought that she could not live a devoted life as a layman. At that time, she met Kwonsa-im, Mrs. Jung-hwa Kim who has regarded the hospital as mission field and lived missionary life as a layman. When she met Mrs. Kim, she was shocked. Mrs. Kim thought that it is worth that she obeys and gives her life to Jesus. But deacon, Jang could not do that. She wondered that why she could not live her life as Mrs. Kim’s life, but she wanted to live devoted life. At that time, Mrs. Kim recommended me to work together at the hospital. When deacon Jang looked back on that time, she said that it seemed like that she got a confession from a crush.
She wants to deliver what the Lord has done.
“It sounded like that the Lord loves me. Frankly, the Lord has made a faith field for me so that I would obey the Lord before I came to the hospital. While living in Dae-jeon, I have got continually faith training and training from Gospel School. And I listen to the word of the truth from pastor. To me, it seemed like “live inside a bubble.” I feel happiness to communicate with sisters and brothers who confess that gospel is enough. I thought that I would joyfully obey whatever I do. Even though I decided, I had to fight with trash, phlegm, and poo.”
Q. I think that it was a tough time. Can you tell me how you endured that time?
A: I had to clean a toilet covered with filth. It was difficult for me to do this job. However, it was not that difficult because I knew that I was dirtier than filth and rubbish. When I emptied a large ashtray, I had to put out the dirt mixed with the cigarette butts and filth. But I thought that they were not that much dirty because I felt the dirty things that were inside me cleaned up. One day, someone made me go inside a sewer and clean it. I thought “How could I do that?” When I opened the sewer, it smelled bad.
I complained about it. I thought “Have they cleaned the sewer before I came here? Why they make me clean it?” At the moment, I realized what I mediated the word of the Lord in the morning. “Dear, Seon-hwa, you hide dirty things in your deep heart. Your heart is dirtier than the sewer. Beloved, Seon-hwa, I think it would be good if you clean up your dirty heart.” So, the Lord made me realize my dirt.”
Q. You always listen to the message of the Lord everywhere you work. Can you share more story that you realize the truth in your life?
A. “Even though I live abundant life, I realized that I have used many things that were not mine thinking that “It would be all right to use this.” For example, I have unconsciously used lots of shampoo, disposable plastic, and so on. Moreover, when I cleaned the sewer, I thought that I pretended to have an ownership to things that were actually not mine. After cleaning, I asked the owners for forgiveness. The Lord gently made me realize and clean my heart. Furthermore, whenever I serve patients, I am praised by them. Even though, I have served them with the life of the Lord, it seemed that these praise stick to my body. And I realized that I pursued my glory lying that I lift up glory to the Lord.”
She realized her existence of sin while cleaning the sewer.
Q. You are so honest to even small things before God.
A. “Since I got trained from Gospel School, I’ve never taken off the cross necklace. But, it took lots of time for me to put on the necklace. After putting on the necklace, I cannot spit on the street. And I cannot be rude to patients. And even I cannot make a sharp voice. Because I don’t want that Jesus is insulted because of me. After putting on the necklace, I feel that Jesus is soaking into my life. Of course, sometimes I fall down and I am even against the word. When I disobeyed the word, the Lord came to me and asked “Did you get my permission when you did such thing yesterday?” Then, I could not say anything and lift my head because I felt sorry to the Lord. Moreover, I felt sorry to ask forgiveness to my sisters and brothers. It seemed like that the Lord made me realize not to commit sin of flesh again.”
Q. I am touched by your expression that “Jesus is soaking into your life”. What does that mean?
A. “Whenever I am voluntarily against the Lord, the Lord always asks me “Are you satisfied without me?” Then, I reply “Never, my Lord, I am not happy without you.” Christians have two kinds of life; the life walking with the Lord, and the life without the Lord. Of course, when I live my life as what I want, I am excited at the moment. But after, I realize that I am no longer feel happy without God Rather, I feel sorry to God. And when I live such a disobedient life, I remember 2 Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 5 all day. “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you–unless, of course, you fail the test?” With this word, I can focus on my life whether I am in faith, whether Jesus lives in me, and whether I communicate with the Holy Spirit.”
Q. I think that it took lots of time for you to live that life. Is it possible for you to live that life because you have got lots of faith training?
Q. “No. When I got training, I felt “live inside a bubble.” But, now I think that I am in a battle field with a knife that I learned from the training. When I got training, I thought I could do anything and I was doing something great. But now, in this battle field, I have to fight with the Lord who lives in me until I shed my blood. In the battle field, the word and prayer are my weapons. Every morning, my husband and I mediate the word, pray and go to the battle field. In evening, I confess my victory and falling to the Lord, and share them with my husband. We study gospel, write diary of gospel, and mediate the word when Sun shines. My husband visits every room at the hospital to pray before he goes to work. He lifts up every patient to the Lord.”
She met the Lord when she was struggling with alcohol addiction.
Q. I see. Can you tell me more specifically about the meaning that you have to fight until you shed your blood?
A. “I cannot come close to seniors because of bad smell of pee if I see them with the old self. And when the weather is getting warm, the decomposition is getting serious, so I cannot come to someone who pisses in urine. I am weak of smell. I am the existence that cannot do any good behavior from the old self. The old self liked to curse people every day. So, I cannot help confessing that the Lord has done for me while I do unpleasant task not saying any curse. The Lord made me endure bad smell. The Lord has done everything. I can do everything with gospel. Without the cross, I cannot see patients. Because I do lots of work, I am exhausted. Even though I am tired, when I talk with patients, I am filled with the heart to love them. One day, I recommended an old lady to go to church, pray and worship together. Surprisingly, she replied “Sure, let’s go.” So, we attended the Wednesday worship. Hallelujah! There are some cancer patients at the hospital. I realize that here is the last place for them to deliver gospel to them who do not believe in Jesus.”
Q. I think the hospital is mission field.
A. “It is impossible without gospel. As I mentioned, the old self liked to beat people, curse people, the world and my family. Even though I had asked my husband to date for three years and we got married, I was so obsessed with him. At the moment, Jesus Christ came to me who deserved curse because the old self was so dirty and rotted.
Q. I am wondering how you met Jesus.
A. I was addicted with alcohol. One day, I was drunk and I saw something black. I cannot never forget the panic of death at that time. At the moment, a pastor from a church where I went there one time called me. Because I did not answer the phone, he borrowed someone’s phone. Later, he said that the Lord gave him a heart to call me. The pastor thought it would be last time to call me. During phone call, he said to me he would teach the way to live. Then, we went to prayer house together. At that time, I personally met the Lord. And I naturally quit drinking alcohol. I did everything that Jesus liked. Even though I was a sleepyhead, I woke up early morning, delivered milk and went to church. Before I met Jesus, I cursed people if they looked at me. But after I met Jesus, I smiled to them and delivered gospel. Back then, I was filled with joy of salvation that Jesus died on the cross for my sin.
Q. It is a powerful story that you met Jesus. And the grace has last until now.
A. “No. Even though I met the Lord, I bumped into someone whom I knew before. On the day, I drank 40 years amount since I quit drinking four years ago. Whenever I drank, I always drank and drove. On that day, I drank and drove too and I was even detained. More seriously, whenever I was drunk, I hit and destroyed anything. When I was detained, I busted again. After this happening, I asked the Lord for forgiveness and prayed all night at the church. At that time, I misunderstood that I would live new life. But, when I saw alcohol, I felt the old self wanted to drink. At that time, I realized that I just endured my desire to drink until then. How could it happen? I was as same as the old self that before I believed in Jesus.
I fought with my husband cheated. We faced the crisis of divorce. Before divorce, I went to Gospel School to clutch at straws. I experienced the amazing power of gospel there. However, it did not mean that I fully understood about gospel. I attended a revival service held in Dae-jeon. At that time, I understood gospel with my soul. And I lifted up all things that I had to the Lord. I knew that why I fell down against sin and why I wanted to be a master. The phrase, “The old self dies and Jesus lives in me” was just a campaign slogan to me. Since that time, I have tried to find something that hinders existence of gospel while walking with the Lord.”
Q. It is amazing. I’m wondering about your husband who overcame the crisis with you.
A. My husband even thought that he would kill me and get an insurance because I was drunk and made a trouble. Because I registered many insurances, he would get 2 billion won if I died. My husband also changed after he met gospel at Gospel School. When he shared his gospel, I did not hate him. Rather, I was pleased because gospel changed us. I shouted “Hallelujah!” The Lord changed him who was almost a killer. I started to love him more. Old ladies at the hospital say that my husband is handsome. When they say like this, I say to them “Appearance is not important. Do not be deceived by appearance. We are wick without Jesus.” And I share gospel that changed us. They who opened their heart to me willingly listened to my story. Frankly, I once prayed to the Lord that my past would be deleted with an eraser because I thought that my past was shamed. However, I heard the message from a pastor that “You have to show me with this even if it is your weakness.”
If I erased my past, I could not deliver my gospel to them. Without my humble story, how could I present God and God’s amazing work to me?”
Q. While listening to your story, the power of gospel is amazing.
A. “Now I try to deliver Jesus anytime and everywhere. I think the hospital is training field. Even though there are my habit and value that do not still change, God reveals them and makes me a righteous path that God uses. Through my sister and husband, God made me realize that I was like a 38-year invalid described in the Book of John, Chapter 5. These days, I have experienced the life that I die and Jesus Christ lives. But I think to live that life is as difficult as I use my muscle that are not used frequently. When I had a trouble in relationship, I blamed her or him thinking “Why did that person treat me like this?” I was annoyed. That means that the old self still lived if I felt annoyed. But I think that Jesus would pray for the person if Jesus was in my shoes. “Dear, Seon-hwa, why are you struggling with this? Just throw it away! Have mercy on her or him and pray for the person. I will let them know their fault. Throw your heart that hates them!” Like this, the Lord makes me clean my heart.”
Q. Cleaning your heart. It sounds interesting.
A. “If I’m concerned about every word from people, it becomes criticism. And it shows that my heart is rotted and dirty. But the Lord says to me “Throw your thought away into a trash can!” One of my faithful friends lives her life as what the Lord says. When I have a desire to live that life, the Lord helps me to live that way. One day, I shared with her that “I want my husband to do like this.” But she said to me that “This is your thought. Throw it away! If your husband does not change his thought even if you continually say to him, throw your thought away!” I don’t still get used to do like this. But now I know that if I strongly insist on my opinion, it makes other to take sides in my opinion, and it would make someone isolated. If I want to insist myself thinking that I am right and he or she is wrong, finally I want to get an agreement from others that I am right. It is my behavior that shows I am 38-year invalid. Still, I have been trained that I shut my mouth and throw my thought away after I confess to the Lord.”
Q. Do you have any prayer requests?
A. “These days, I try to distinguish two thought; my thought and the Lord’s thought. I realize that it is the life of victory when the Lord’ thought wins and my thought loses. Sometimes, I want to ignore the Lord’s thought if my desire is bigger than the Lord’s thought. But what I want is to live the life that the Lord wins.”