I wrote a diary to talk to God because I was so lonely

Frank C. Laubach who was born in a devout American Christian family in 1884 devoted himself as a missionary at the age of 16. And when he turned 31, he began to live a missionary life with his wife in the Philippines in 1915.

During the early 7 years in Philippines, he founded an evangelical church in the north of Mindanao Island. Then he moved to Manila and played an important role in starting a united theological school and training pastors.

But he had a heart for the Moro people who were indigenous Muslims in the Philippines and it eventually made him to move to Dansalran where about 500,000 the Moroites lived putting behind his stability life in Manila. It was in 1930 at the age of 46.

In those days, Moro people regarded Christians as their enemies, closed the door against modern civilization and made it hard for missionaries to approach them.

What was waiting for Frank in Dansalran was helplessness and loneliness. He even had to stay there alone apart from his wife and son for the first few months. He said it was the hardest period of his life; at the middle-age entering into different culture of the Moroites trying to learn their language.

He confessed that he was so lonely that he couldn’t stand a minute without talking to God. This book contains his record from January 3, 1930 to January 2, 1932.

In his diary he wrote “although I have been serving as a pastor and missionary for past 15 years, I had never lived a day following God’s will wholly.”

After that he started to put into practice of believing God continuously during his waking hours. He desired to fall in love with God as a servant who is free from himself but chained to God. He tried to enjoy being the image of God that is made as his partner of love and joy that delights only God.

Practicing believing God continuously

He decided 3 things to walk with God. First was to seek God’s will continuously. Second was the experiment of powerful intercessory prayer. He wanted to experience that God required his prayer to fulfill his wills and it was prayers through which God’s power was revealed. And the third was to let Moro people know God’s love.

He could not understand and speak any words of Moro Language. All he could do were praying for them, thinking of God among them and living as a Christian walking with God. And he experienced that everything was sufficient with God even when he fell in deep loneliness and had nobody to share. Through the experience he confessed “I just opened the door but God did all else.”

He was very humble in front of Moro people. “I know a little more than you do but not that much. Compared to the great one who moves the sky, I am nobody just like you.” The Lord worked until his humble heart sprang from his attitude and his life. 

He realized that the ultimate beauty is the cross and it is the only way to God’s heart. After a year of his first diary written on Feb 10 1931, he acknowledged that he was a wretched sinner.

In front of the Lord, facing the Holy one, he encountered the miserable figure of himself that had left the Lord. Then he looked up again and experienced that he was united with Jesus by dying and rising with him. He realized that the result of the mysterious experience with God or deeper spirituality surely appears by the cross.

“The most outstanding thing that God made to open our eyes to see his love is the cross.” We pray continuously and passionately for this love of the cross to let everyone know and enjoy. Frank Laubach ended his life in the Philippines walking with God.

The man who couldn’t live without God, the gospel that cannot be lived without seeing God, and the flesh that cannot obey God’s command without faith! God certainly let the people who every day continues in God’s way to see the completion of mission.